Lost again
by TrisMellarkHerondale
Summary: Post-Mockingjay. Katniss is happy with her kids until Gale appears and tries to take away everything she loves. She can t lose people again, it will break her. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! Just started this new fanfic! It is a Hunger Games one! Enjoy**

**DISCLAIMER: Suzanne Collins said the Hunger Games were mine! Just kidding. I OWN NOTHING**

**Katniss´ POV**

The smell of bread fills my nose. I know I should be used to this after fifteen years but some mornings I can´t believe I am the baker´s wife. It took a long time to realize that I loved the boy with the bread, and when I did my life became happier. It is more than love; we need each other to survive. I wouldn't make it without him.

I can hear light footsteps coming through the hallway. I slide under the thick covers, close my eyes and try not to smirk.

"Shhh, she must be sleeping" I hear a girl's voice says. The door opens and I feel someone sitting in the bed and then in my belly.

"Mommy, are you awake?" The girl asks again while stroking my hair the same way her father does.

I groan but answer "I am now" I open my eyes just to meet with the ones that I love, just in a smaller version. This girls name is Tara; we named her like that after the word _Taraxacum_ which means dandelion in Latin. She giggles and kisses my cheek.

I sit in my bed and realize there is a tiny boy sitting in my bed too. His name is Arley, which means _Man with a bow _in Latin_. _Peeta thought it will be a nice name considering my skills with that weapon. I kiss his head and he just gives me a kind smile, like his father´s one.

"Daddy says he is going to work now" She says before running downstairs to say goodbye.

I pick up Arley and go down. Peeta is already in the door, just waiting for me. I grin to him and he returns it.

"I need to go, but I´ll see you for dinner" He says and kisses my forehead

"I know. Love you" I say

"Love you too" He replies and goes, I see him disappearing into the town and go inside. Today is Saturday and that means that Tara doesn't have school today and that means she would probably want to go to the woods and to the lake. She just started school this week so it is her first free weekend.

"Hungry?" I ask her and put Arley down. He is one year and a half old so he can walk now, he is still clumsy but it works to move around the house.

"No, Daddy gave me cheese buns and said you could have some" Tara says while patting her tummy and she runs into the kitchen; Arley follows her and I go running after him. He can break something or fall.

I enter and immediately the smell of cheese fills my nose. I eat my breakfast while talking with Tara and feeding Arley with some fruits.

"Mom" She says while playing with some berries she has on her plate.

"Yes?" I ask

"My teacher asked us to go to the train station and watch how the people arrive and how the train works" She says and looks at me with her lovely blue eyes.

"We can do that, go get dressed and we´ll go" I answer and start cleaning the table. Tara goes upstairs and I pick up Arley and dress him up; after him I dress myself.

"Mommy!" Tara screams and I go running to her room. She can be in trouble. I enter and see she is fine, I let out a sigh of relieve.

"Braid?"She asks me with her innocent smile

"Sure" I stand behind her and start working in her braid. She loves when I do this to her hair. I can´t do all the braids my mom can, but this is her favorite. I finish with her hair and go for Arley.

"Let´s go, Tara!" I shout and she comes downstairs with me. We go outside; I love how the sun light feels again my skin. I know this warm air won't last long because summer is going to be over very soon.

We walk through town, some people wave me and I wave back with a small smile in my face.

"Why does everyone know you?" Tara asks and looks at me; God, those eyes.

"I have lived here all my life, they just remember me" I say and stroke her hair.

I can hear how the train whistles, and Tara hears it too.

"We are going to be late" She realizes and runs in the train´s direction. Me following behind.

We get there and Tara looks how the train gets closer and closer every time. The train has the number two printed in the walls. This train comes from district two.

"Pay attention" I tell her and she just nods. The train stops and the doors open. May people come outside and their families greet them. My heart stops when I recognize someone coming out of that train

Gale.

**A/N: What do you think? It is my first Hunger Games fanfic. Please review and tell what the scariest movie you have watched? THANKS FOR READING!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey my lovely readers! Thanks to the three persons that reviewed and to everyone that followed and ¨favorited¨ this fic. Thanks for waiting!**

**DISCLAIMER: All rights to the amazing (but cruel) Suzanne Collins. **

**Katniss**

Gale

He is looking around. Probably he is looking for someone. My instinct tells me to hide and run. To keep my children safe. My heart tells me to go and talk to him; it tells me that maybe Prim´s death was not his fault.

I don´t know what to do so I just follow Tara around the Train Station because she is really curious about trains. Her little fingers want to touch everything.

Eventually we find Posy and Rory sitting in a bench. They must be here to pick up Gale. We see them maybe once or twice a month. Not really often, but I know Tara and Arley remember them. My kids consider Hazelle as their own grandmother. Vick moved to District Two with Gale so I assume he came back with him.

Posy lifts her head up and sees us. Immediately she smiles warmly at me and stands up.

"Hey Katniss, I haven´t seen you in a long month" She says and gives me a hug. I just return the hug awkwardly. She pulls apart and says hi to my children and asks me if she can carry Arley. I hand him to her and turn to Rory.

He was one of the persons that supported me after Prim passed away. I guess he understood me the most; I am sure he felt something for her and losing her affected him very much. He used to come to my house once a week. Every Wednesday he sat with me and we just stared to the fire. He stayed one hour and sometimes two. After that he just took my hand and said that he missed her too. He was very supportive in that hard time.

I sit next to him, where Posy was sitting. He smiles at me and gives me a hug. His smile seems brighter and I know that he is excited because today he will see his brothers after almost 16 years. Many things had changed. I know that.

"I saw Gale" I tell him and he looks at me surprised. "He didn´t see me, though"

"Oh, he went to fix some things, but he will come back soon" He confirms me and smiles again. He looks like Gale.

"Mommy, I want to go home" Tara says and gives me her puppy eyes. I kiss her forehead and nod.

"Soon, sweetie. Mom wants to see and old friend" I tell her and she just nods her head and goes to walk. I tell her to stay close and she just keeps walking until I don´t see her anymore. I stand up and start looking for her around the crowd. I call her but she doesn´t appear. I turn around to ask Posy and Rory help. I don´t need their help: Gale is holding my daughter (who is crying) and looks around, probably to find her mom.

Without a second thought I take her from his arms and hold her tiny body to mine. She is crying silently while I stroke her brown hair.

"Tara don´t do that again. Never. God, you scared me so much" I tell her and smell her scent; _she is safe_, I keep telling myself and put her down. I realize that the Hawthorne family is looking at me.

"Catnip?" Gale asks "Is that you?"

"Hey" I tell him and look down to my daughter´s eyes; those eyes calm me down and I look Gale again.

"Long time, right?" He asks me and smiles a little then he looks at my girl, who is wrapping her arms around my legs.

"You have a girl?" He asks with anger in his voice; I don't know why, though.

"Actually, I have a girl and a boy" I tell him and Posy hands me Arley. He looks at me and lays his head in my neck. I feel how he falls asleep slowly.

Anger fills Gale´s eyes and nods. He shouldn´t be angry, this is supposed a happy moment with his family.

"So, I´ll see you later. You should come home for dinner" I tell all the Hawthorne family. Rory nods and says they will be there. I take Tara´s hand and head home. During the walk home I decide we should go to the bakery and visit Peeta. I ask Tara and she nods and asks me to go faster. She knows that if she visits daddy, he will give her cookies.

We get near the bakery and see Peeta behind the counter talking with Delly. I heard she married a guy she met in District 13. They have three kids. One has 12 years, the second 5 (like Tara) and the last has 1 year (like Arley). If you look close to Delly´s stomach you can see she has a baby on the way.

She sees us coming and says hi. She says she has to go but I know she wants to give us some privacy.

Tara goes and hugs her daddy. Arley gets heavier in my arm so Peeta offers to take him; I hand him to Peeta and Tara asks Peeta for cookies.

He chuckles but agrees. He goes to the back of the bakery and I stand up behind the counter. Then all the Hawthorne family walks in front of the bakery. They are laughing and smiling. Great, this must be a happy moment for them. Posy turns in my direction and sees me, she smiles and waves. I wave back.

Hazelle tells them something and enters the bakery. She is smiling, she is happy for her sons return.

"Hey Hazelle, how are you?" I ask her and hug her.

"I am good. What about you?" she asks me

"I am fine" I tell her and smile.

In that moment Peeta comes back with a crying Arley in his arms and asks for help. I take the boy and rock him. He calms down a little but keeps sobbing quietly. All the Hawthornes enter and start talking with Peeta and me, except for Gale. Arley keeps crying so I take him to the back of the bakery. We have some fruits back here so I give him a fat strawberry. He stops crying and eats it so and I give him another one. Tara enters and asks for more cookies.

"No, you´ll have more later" I take her to the front with everyone. The Hawthorne family is still there and Peeta is filling a paper bag with some bread and some small pastries. Vick gives him some money but Peeta rejects it, saying is a welcome gift. I smile to my husband and stand next to him, behind the counter.

"Thank you Peeta" Vick says and exits the bakery.

All the Hawthorne family leaves after saying goodbye and hugging us, except for Gale. I cannot believe he is still jealous. Peeta puts an arm around me and kisses me softly.

"Ewwww!" Tara says and covers her eyes. We laugh and Peeta carries her.

I can´t believe I have this happy family after everything.

**A/N: Big chapter. I hope you like it. REVIEW! Love you readers! I didn´t do spell check cause I am lazy, so SORRY!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for being late. I had A LOT of homework and I was really stressed. Again, ENJOY THE CHAPTER!****  
><strong>**I will call you DANDELIONS!****  
><strong>**DISCLAIMER: I don't own one of the best trilogies in the world.******

**Katniss**  
>"What should I cook for dinner?" I ask my husband as I wash my hands in the kitchen's sink. I turn to look at him. He is leaning in the counter smiling at me.<br>"What?" I ask him, annoyed while I raise one of my eyebrows.  
>"Nothing. You know, everything you cook is delicious" he says, still smiling.<br>"Not everything. Remember when I tried to make squirrel stew for the first time?" I ask him and raise my eyebrows again. He chuckles and kisses my forehead.  
>"Yeah, it was awful" he answers and I hit his chest playfully.<br>A few years after we got married I got some squirrels while I went hunting. I tried to cook squirrel stew like my mother. Of course I failed at it but Peeta ate it anyway. He keeps bothering me with it since then.  
>"Do you want me to cook?" He asks me and smells my hair.<br>"Would you do that?" I burry my face in his chest smelling the scent of cinnamon and flour.  
>"Of course I would" he answers and kisses the tip of my nose, then my lips.<br>Every time he kisses me I remember the kiss in the cave and the one in the beach. Those were the only real ones we had. Now every time we kiss it feels real.  
>I pull apart and smile. He smiles back.<br>"Where is Tara?" I ask him and he starts working in our meal.  
>"I think she is painting something for Hazelle. She always wants to give her a 'piece of art'" he says repeating what our little girl says about her paintings.<br>"I know. And Arley?" I ask Peeta while I grab a strawberry that I know our boy would like to eat.

"Sleeping. He will wake up soon, though. He has slept since we arrived from the bakery" he answers and keeps cooking.  
>Just then I hear a little someone crying from upstairs and exit the kitchen. I walk through the hallway until I reach the stairs and go to the second floor. I enter his room and I see him sitting in his crib and looking around. He sees me and opens his arms, wanting me to hug him. I get near and hug him; his eyes are red and puffy. I kiss his forehead and I know that if the Games existed, he would have nightmares like Prim did. I shiver at the thought of my little sister. Arley notices and wraps his arms around my neck. I just give him the strawberry I brought and he puts it in his small mouth. I smile at him; he likes the strawberries just like Madge did.<p>

"Let´s go to see your sister" I tell him and put him on the floor. He walks alone until he reaches the stairs and then I hold his hand while we walk down. He starts running to the studio when we get downstairs. I chase him until we get to one of my husband´s favorite places.

Here keeps his paintings, his brushes, the paint and his notebooks; in one corner we keep Tara´s stuff: everything he has but in a smaller version.

She is sitting in the desk and I can see how focused she is on whatever she is doing.

Hazelle loves everything my daughter gives her. Even those weird drawings with rare colors. They remind me of the clothes the Capitol people used to wear.

"Look Mommy! It's me, Arley and Grandma Hazelle. It is a nice piece of art, right?" Tara asks and shows me a colorful sheet of paper. I can define who is the girls cause they have pink "dresses" and Arley is the only one with yellow hair and blue "clothes".

"It is lovely Little Duck" I say and kiss her forehead that now is covered with pink paint. Her nose has a big blue stain.

"But now, you will have to take a bath. I told you to be careful with those paintings Tara" I tell her and she nods her head and smiles apologetically.

I go to the kitchen after asking her to look for clean clothes. Peeta is checking something in the oven.

"What are you cooking?" I ask

"Rabbit stew and for dessert we have apple pie" He answers and takes Arley form my arms.

"Your daughter made a mess so now I will help with a bath" I explain and kiss my son´s forehead before going upstairs to clean a dirty girl

**TIME SKIP**

"Katniss don't be so nervous. I'm sure it will be fine" Peeta tells me as he finishes setting up the table.

"What if he doesn't like you yet? Or the kids?" I ask him referring to my old hunting partner.

"Nothing will happen. I won't allow that" He says and kisses my forehead. I smile and nod. Im still unconvinced but I hope that what my husband says is true.

I ask Tara to sit down and start braiding her hair. Doing this will keep my mind busy and I need that. As I finish the bell rings and I go to open it. All the Hawthorne family is staring me back with smiles on their faces. Posy is carrying something in her hands, I don't know what it is but it smells delicious.

"Hello Katniss" Hazelle greets me.

"Hi" I move aside so they can come in. Everyone says some kind of ¨Hello¨, even him.

When everyone is sitting at the dinner table something I tried to avoid happens:

Peeta gets an attack.

It happens so fast I almost don't have time to ask everyone to exit the dining room. My husband grabs a chair, hard. His nails are burying in the wood and his eyes get darker. He starts muttering horrible things about me. Then I realize we are not alone; Gale hasn´t gone outside the room, but I don't have time to focus on him. Instead I look at Peeta. I kiss his cheek a few times and put my hands on both sides of his face.

"Come back. Please. You are fine. I am Katniss, your wife. Not a mutt. We have two kids: Arley and Tara. Please Peeta." I kiss his lips sweetly until I feel him kissing back. He wraps his arms around me and smells my hair. He apologizes but I know is my fault he is this way now. I know he never deserved it.

I ask everyone to get inside the dining room again. My kids wrap their arms around Peeta´s legs. They call the attacks "Daddy's bad moments" They know they have to exit the room they are in and that I take care of it; they still don´t know what causes them and I am not telling them the real reason until they are old enough.

"I am so sorry for that. It doesn't happen often but again I am sorry." Peeta says and brings the food from the kitchen. What Hazelle brought was her secret recipe of rice. We eat having a small talk.

"How is district two?" I ask Gale and Vick, hoping they won´t say anything inappropriate in front of the children.

"It is different. They still have some Peacekeeper centers to destroy but there are not much left" Vick answers me.

"Mommy, what is a Peacekeeper?" Tara asks me and looks at me innocently. Vick mouths me "sorry" and I just give him a small smile.

"The old police of Panem was called Peacekeeper" I answer her and she just nods before eating the rest of her vegetables.

"Dessert time" Peeta says and the kids squeal in response.

"Cake!" Arley screams and I know this is one of his favorite words. He doesn't talk much but says a few words. Hazelle laughs at him and he just smiles.

Peeta comes in carrying a big apple pie on his hands. It smells so delicious and looks amazing. My husband is a professional when it is about baking. He starts cutting pieces and gives us one. Tara immediately starts eating it and she burns her tongue a few times.

As we finish the Hawthorne family stands up and says their goodbyes. I start cleaning the table and ask Tara to put one her pajamas. Peeta comes inside the kitchen with a concerned look on is usually happy face.

"Is everything okay?" I ask him and wrap my arms around his neck

"No" He simply answers and I hear the fear in his voice when he says:

"Gale said it still wasn´t over. He is going to hurt us Katniss. And pretty bad"

**A/N: Long wait! Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for cliff hanger! REVIEW! LOVE YOU DANDELIONS!**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:Hello my lovely dandelions. I hope you had had a beautiful Christmas. Dear sugarrushreader:Tell your BFF that Arley will get more strawberries, fat ones. Don 't worry!

Here is next chapter. ENJOY IT MY READERS!

Disclaimer: If I owned this trilogy Finnick's story in Mockingjay would have been different.

Katniss

That night I refuse to let my kids sleep in their own bedroom.

I know I will not handle it right. I'm afraid of what might happen to them and I don't care if I am overprotective, they are my babies after all.

Tara asks Peeta to read them one of their favorite stories. I kiss Arley's forehead when he falls asleep between his sister and me. His hair is so soft and he smells like strawberries.

Tara is laying between my son and Peeta. Her eyes are half open when she murmurs:

"Mommy, I didn't give Hazelle my drawing. Can we go tomorrow?"

The thought of my kids being so close to Gale sends chills trough my spine. I'll make sure the visit to the Hawthorne house is quick.

"Sure, it will be fast though" I say and stroke her hair gently.

"Alright" she answers before drifting off.

"I can go with you if you want" My husband offers and I am not sure if that would be good or not.

I am sure that Gale still hates Peeta and maybe seeing him will make him react worse and do something to My family.

"No, it will be a quick visit" I respond and yawn. I don't want to sleep because I feel that something bad will happen.

"Katniss, you can rest. Everything will be fine" Peeta says and I can tell in his voice that it won't be long before he is asleep.

"Promise?" I ask and close my eyes

"Promise" he yawns and I can see him closing his blue eyes.

I don't know if he can be able to keep his promise but I know that he is always trying not to fail people.

He is Peeta, after all.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Staberry!" Arley screams. I think is his favorite fruit and probably his favorite word too.

Peeta picks one from the bowl we have in the counter and gives puts it in my son's mouth.

He keeps asking for more and I chuckle at him. He hates the tiny strawberries and only eats the fat ones.

"Mommy. Can we visit grandma Hazelle?" My daughter asks and looks at me with pleading blue eyes.

"Yes, put shoes on" I say and she doesn't object. She puts on boots, just like me.

When I go to the hallway, followed by my husband, she is already at the door with a colorful piece of paper in her hands.

"I will come back soon, I promise" I say and kiss Peeta. His lips feel warm against mine and somehow make me feel safe.

He nods and picks up Arley before giving him another strawberry.

When I step outside the air feels cold against my exposed face. I forgot to bring a scarf or a hat; it does not matter now.

Tara takes my hand and we walk in silence.

The snow doesn't come this winter, which is very strange. Tara always loves the moment when snowflakes fall on her brown hair.

When we arrive at the Hawthorne house my nose is frozen.

My girl knocks on the door and Posy opens it. I can smell that something is cooking so the air is warm, that makes me want to enter right now.

"Hi Kat. Hello Tara" Gale's sister says and let us inside.

Tara asks for Hazelle and Posy leads her to the kitchen.

I can see them talking and Hazelle's face lights up when she sees 'the piece of art' Tara made.

"I hope you have gotten my message" A voice behind me says. I turn around and see the person I wanted to avoid: Gale.

"I did" I say and turn to see my daughter

"Good" he is standing next to me and I want to get out of here in this moment.

"Why did you say something like that?" I ask quietly but don't look at him.

"Because I still believe something can happen between us and that baker and those kids are getting in my way" he answers simply and shrugs like it's not big deal.

Maybe it is not something important for him. Probably his bomb killed my sister, anyway.

"You cannot get rid of them" I say and keep avoiding his gaze.

"Of course I can. I have gotten rid of many people" He answers and I look at him with disgust. That comment hurts but I won't show him that it did.

"Tara, we need to leave now" I say and she nods before hugging Hazelle.

I head to the door and take Tara's hand. She waves to Posy's mother and I smile at her.

We walk home in silence again. When we get there I try not to hide my kids in their rooms.

I tell them to go to play or to do something. Anything.

Peeta sees my desperation and when the kids go away he leads me to the living room.

There I start to hyperventilate and tell him everything Gale said.

At the end my entire body is shaking and cold tears are in my eyes.

He hugs me but this time his arms don't make me feel safe.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"So, how has been your life?" My mom asks when I call her in the evening.

'Well, my old best friend wants to kill my family just to make me fall for him'.

Of course I won't tell her that. Again, I lie to her.

"The usual, Tara is excited for school tomorrow and Arley fell in love with the strawberries" I answer. Well, that wasn't a big lie.

She chuckles and says she is visiting soon. After a couple of minutes we say goodbye and hang up.

I don't know if her visit would be good or not. I just hope we can make things right again. I think that this time I can forgive her. Even after all this time, it is hard to feel she is mother.

Arley comes running into the living room and I pick him up when he hugs my legs.

He looks at me with his beautiful grey eyes and points to his mouth.

"Staberry?" He asks me and I laugh at him.

"Fine" I say and go to the kitchen. I put Arley in the table and go for a strawberry.

He eats it immediately and I laugh again.

Tara comes running in the kitchen and hugs me. I can feel she is crying.

I kneel down in front of her and see her puffy eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask her and stroke her hair.

"A man said tried to take me away from you" She says and whimpers. I hug her.

"Who?"

"I don't know. He had dark hair like me but he had eyes like Arley's" She manages to say and I know Gale is the person that my daughter is talking about. "He asked me to go with him and I said no and he took my arm but I bit his hand" She continues

"Don't worry, no one would take you away from me" I say.

The problem is that I'm not sure I can keep that promise.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Tara doesn't want to sleep in her bedroom that night. I don't blame her so I let her sleep with us.

"Kat, can I talk to you in the hallway?" Peeta asks and I nod. He closes the door behind us and leans against the hallway's wall.

"You know I love you, right?" He ask. Of course I know, he tells me that everyday. I don't see the point in his question.

"Yes" I say and lean against the wall too.

"So, why aren't you telling me something?" He asks me.

"I was going to tell you tonight, but I am not going to say it infront of our daughter" I answer and close my eyes. He wraps his strong arms around me and the scent of cinnamon and flour envelops me.

"Is everything okay?"

I laugh sarcastically at him. I shake my head.

"No. Nothing is okay. There is a stupid person that is trying so hard to separate me from my family because he has stupid 'feelings' for me. He tried to kidnap our daughter and he won't stop. I don't think things are okay and the will never be" I answer and all of sudden I start crying. Our life will never be easy, I know that but I don't know why it is this bad. After the war I just wanted peace. It seems that we will never get it.

"I'm not going to let anything happen" Peeta says and I sob. We both know he can't promise that.

"I can't lose people again" I say and he hugs me tighter.

"Me either" he answers and kisses me softly. His lips distract me of my problems and that feels so amazing.

When we pull apart we go inside our room just to see that the window is open and Tara is not there.

A/N: What do you think? I would love to read what you think so REVIEW! Thanks to all the reviews I got for last chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello Dandelions! I am sorry for the last cliffhanger but I had to write it. Thanks to everyone thet reviewed. Those reviews make my day. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: I am sure I am not Suzanne Collins (the owner of The Hunger Games)**

**Katniss**

"Tara, are you hiding?" I ask

No answer.

"It is not funny" I say seriously

No answer.

I close my eyes, imagining that she will come running and she will hug my legs when I open them.

Of course, I do not feel anything.

I keep my eyes closed and let a tear scape. I turn around and see Peeta. He is not sad (at least he is not crying like me) but he looks like he wants to kill somebody.

Maybe we should kill somebody.

We can´t waste our time doing that. We have a daughter to find. I walk to my son´s room but in middle of the hallway I break down.

I fall and hug my legs, burying my face in my knees and cry. Cry hard. I cry like it will be the answer to all my problems, even when it is not. I just keep crying and it makes me feel better in some way. I feel better when a pair of arms envelop me and stroke my hair. I breath a few times, trying to calm myself. It only works a little.

"Did we lose her?" I ask Peeta, trying not to break down again.

I want him to tell me that we didn´t, that she is fine and that she is just sleeping in another room.

"I hope we didn´t" He whispers instead.

"Mommy, why you on the floor?" A little voice asks behind us. We turn around and see Arley standing in the doorway of his room. I guess I didn´t cry quietly.

"Mommy was tired so she sat on the floor" Peeta answers for me.

Arley comes closer and frowns when he notices my puffy eyes and my red face.

"Mommy okay?" He asks and comes even closer.

"Just sad" I say and hug him tightly. He wraps his arms round my neck and I smillhis hair.

"You okay?" I ask him and he nods. Then he asks something that makes my heart ache.

"Where Tara?"

"You are talking a lot, arent you?" Peeta asks me and even he sounds strong and peaceful, I can see the pain trough those blue eyes of his. Arley looks down and wishes us good night. Peeta and I know it wont be one. I try to stand up and my husband doesnt object, he just helps me and hugs me. I bury my face in his neck and hug him back. A sob escapes my mouth and tears fill my eyes again. I pull back and put a hand on his cheek; his eyes are teary too.

I kiss him one more time before running out of the house, getting my boots in the way. Instead of running away of the Victor´s Village I hide behind the house and wait a few minutes before putting my boots on. It is dark out here and cold too. I am sure Peeta knows- after years of experience- that I will come back when I finish what I have to do. I walk fastly to the entrance of the Village.

The Seam is not really far from here so I make it there in a couple of minutes. Hazel´s house doesn´t have lights turned on so everyone must be asleep. I reach her frontdoor and knock loudly enough for people inside to hear. Some lights ae turned on and I can hear someone coming closer. Posy opens the door, she looks tired. She realizes is me and frowns.

"Katniss, is everything alright?" She asks and yawns, her hand covering her mouth.

"Where is Gale?" I ask quetly and she frowns even more.

"Is everything okay?" She asks again and I start to get annoyed.

"Where is Gale?" I ask her again, this time louder. I am starting to get angry.

"He had an emergency and took a train to two this afternoon" She finally answers and yawns again.

"Maybe Tara is in two" I murmur to myself.

"Is everything alright?" She asks again but I don´t waste time answering her; I am too busy running back home.

When I enter the house, Peeta is sitting in the couch, his head in his hands. I can tell he feels guilty about this because he promised that anything will happen to us. His words bring tears to my eyes agin, I feel so emotional tonight.

"Gale is in two, maybe she is there" I say with a little bit of hope in my voice.

"Good, I´ll pack our clothes" He responds and goes upstairs without looking at me.

I guess I will go back to Two.

**A/N: I am SO sorry I did not update but I had writers block. REVIEW! See you Dandelions!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This page is not enough to tell you how sorry I am. It´s just that someone special passed away, plus I had writers block and exams, and I am really sick and stressed. But I was feeling guuilty and I feel more focused in this story than in the other one I am writing. I didn´t forget about you, My Lovely Dandelions! BTW I really dont remember how were the trains in CF and I am lazy so I just wrote what I thought was aproppiated.**

**DISCLAIMER: I am sure SC is not mexican, I am so I´m not her. **

I feel so bad. I feel guilty and the dizziness I feel is not helping me.

We are on a train to Two**: **we had to take one early this morning because last night there were no trains available.

Our compartment in the train is smaller than the ones we had when we ewere in The Games, but now we have access to phones beacuse almost all the population in Panem has one. I am going to call some people and maybe they can help me to find my daughter.

Arley is sleeping in the bed. He is so tired , probably because he woke up earlier than usual. I feel bad for him, he doesn´t deserve to go trough this. Peeta is sleeping too and our son is between us. Peeta moves arond the bed and he frowns. I recognize this reaction: He is having a nightmare, and that is so common lately.

I move closer, and now Arley is between our chests but is still sleeping. My husband moves faster and suddenly he opens his blue eyes.

"What are you doing up? Weren´t you sleeping?" He asks me with a sleepy voice before I can say anything. I put my hand in his cheek and my eyes fill with tears.

"I couldn´t sleep, I don´t want to sleep anyway" I answer and let a single tear roll down my hot cheek.

I know I should be sleeping-it is dark outside so it is really early- but I am afraid of the nightmares I know I will be dreaming. I just can´t handle them. I feel like those stupid nightmares want to break my mind and my soul, they will make me feel guilty because I know I had to protect Tara. Those nightmares are the only thing that can actually make me feel worse.

"I know you don´t want to but you have to. You need all the energy you can get" He says and leans, I think he will kiss my lips but instead his lips land on my forehead. I nod and close my eyes slowly.

The last thing I see before drifting off are those blue eyes full of sadness.

:-:-:-:-:-:-

I feel a lot worse when I wake up later. The first thing I do is throw up in the tiny bathroom that is in our compartment. When I finish Peeta gives me m toothbrush and a glass full of wáter.

"I Heard there is a doctor in the train, she has her equipment and everything. Why dont you go to see her?" He asks me really concerned. I hug him and smell him.

"I´m sure it´s just stress. Don´t worry" I tell him and he looks at me like he is not sure but he doesn´t say that.

:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Who are you? And what the f***k do you want?" A female asks me across the pone.

"Hello Jo, this is Katniss" I say and wait for Johanna Mason to answer me.

"Oh. What an unexpected surprise. How is the family?" She asks me with sarcasm and I when I talk my voice breaks and I am about to cry.

"Horrible, Tara is missing…" I tell her the whole story and how I think my daughter is in District Two with Gale.

"That son of a ****** *****! I am going to kick his stupid butt!..! She starts yelling profanities and I am sure that people in the other compartment can hear what she is saying.

"I was hoping you could tell me if you see something in your district ori f you hear something." I say when she finishes her Word war.

"Of course, I´ll tell you. Good luck Everdeen" She tell me and I smile a little.

"Thank you Mason" I say and hang up.

I write another number and putt he pone close to my ear.

"Hello?" A male voice asks and my tears fill with tears. I can´t do this.

"Fi-Finnick?" I ask slowly.

"Yeah, Finnick Junior. Sorry, who is this?" He asks again and I cover my mouth with my hand to hide a sob. I ask Peeta to talk to him and he agrees.

"Hey, this is Peeta Mellark. Probably you don´t remember me but I remember you and I really need to talk with your mother…Yeah, she is my wife… Your father was our friend…Yes, thank you so much Finnick" He kisses me quickly before turning back to the phone.

"Hello Annie, how are you?...That is fantastic…We are not really well, you see…" He starts telling the story and I keep sobing. A tiny hand touches my wet cheek and see that Arley is awake.

"I hungry" He says and strokes my face and gives me kisses. I giggle and that makes him giggle too.

"Daddy will get some breakfast, just wait a minute" I say and he nods slowly, still procesing what I just said.

"…Thank you Annie, I´ll tell her. Goodbye" I hear Peeta says and he hangs up and then looks at me.

"She will talk to us if she sees something and wishes us luck. I have one thing to tell you: You have an appointment with the doctor in a few minutes. I know you said it was stress but I want to make sure you are okay" He says and for some weird reason I dont get mad at him. I nod my head and kiss him.

"Arley is hungry why dont you give him breakfast and I go to see that doctor?" I suggesr and Peeta agrees.

I put on some fresh and clean clothes and re-do my braid. I wash my face and my teeth too. My eyes look a little bit puffy but it is not noticeable if you are far from my face.

Peeta left me the number of compartment on a note and I go outside trying to find it. When I finally recognize the number I breathe a few timeas and knock on the White door.

A woman with grey hair and black eyes opens the door, she looks older than me so she probably knows who I AM and knows WHAT I DID and she must know everything about The Games.

"Hello Mrs Mellark, please come in" She says and moves so I can come in. Her compartment is not different form mine. Mine has a desk too but I dont use it and she her equipment in the table.

"I am Doctor F., and your husband told me that you aren´t feeling well. He said something about dizziness and that you are tired constantly so I would like to do some tests and see what is going on with you. Is that okay?" She says and I nod slowly.

The next hour she does some things with my body, like asking me for blood or to pee. I obey without complaining and I stay silent, and just talk if she asks something.

"Let me check the results" She says and starts writing in a laptop. The next thing she says changes my life.

"Good news Mrs Mellark, you are not sick. You are pregnant. Congratulations!"

**A/N: Cliffhanger! Ooops! But I had to do that and it was a big chapter. SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER DANDELIONS!**


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: Hello my dandelions! I think it hasn´t been so long since the last update (I think), I don´t feel well right now but I had to write this. Enjoy it My Lovely Readers! _****_I NEED YOU TO READ THE A/N AT THE END! (IT IS IMPORTANT)_**

**_DISCLAIMER: As you can see in your book, Suzanne Collins is the awsome autor, NOT me. So I don´t own THG._**

I don´t stay longer with the doctor; she just gives me some vitamins in a brown paper bag.

Peeta is in the dining cart with Arley so I still have time for me. Or us. Is US now.

There is a mirror in our compartment and I am standing in front of it. I don´t look pregnant, I don´t look sad, I look empty. At least, that is how my face looks. I lift my shirt enough to see my stomach. The thought of another human inside me makes me want to cry.

I just lost one and I am getting another. It is like Tara is being replaced. I don´t need –or want- another kid. Not now, not next year, not never. I didn´t want any in first place.

I don´t know if I should tell Peeta or not. He deserves to know but he has many things on his mind too. _You came in the worst moment, _I say to the "thing" inside me, _You are not supposed to be here, I don´t need you here. _

Someone opens the door and I run to hide the paper bag under my pillow. Arley comes running into my arms, I catch him and hold him close to me.

"How was the appointment?" Peeta asks me. I don´t know what to tell him.

"Fine, it was just stress. I told you" I say and he looks like he doesn´t believe me.

"You are a terrible liar. What´s going on? You can tell me"

"Mommy, lying not good!" My son says and I put him down.

"I know Arley, why don´t you go to see trough the window? " I suggest him and he runs excited to one of the Windows in our compartment.

"So…"

"I´m pregnant" I whisper quietly, I doubt he heard me. I didn´t want to tell him now but I can´t lie with something like this.

He opens his arms and I melt into them. I cry silently because I can´t do this again. Never. What is someone takes this one too? What if I don´t get a chance to know this ´thing´? I don´t want to lose anyone again.

"I don´t want this" I murmur against Peeta´s chest. "I´ll just lose it again"

"I know you don´t want this, but it happened and-" Peeta starts but I interrupt.

"No, I really don´t want _this. _It´s a mistake. I can´t love _it. _I don´t want this to replace my daughter"

"Katniss, it won´t replace anyone. Remember this baby can hear you and you are only saying horrible stupid things!" He says a little bit louder.

"It is a mistake! This wasn´t supposed to happen! It will only damage us more!" I am yelling now and pointing to my stomach. I forgot Arley was in the room.

"Fantastic Katniss! Look what you did!" Peeta says and walks across the room to pick up our crying son. Arley hides his red face in Peeta´s neck and both of them exit the room. My mouth is salty from my own tears.

_It´s your fault. _I say to the thing. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands and head to the phones. I press some numbers and wait.

"Hello?" My mother asks.

"Hi mom, it´s Katniss" My voice it´s about to break.

"Hi Katniss. Is everything okay? Why are you calling from a train?" She asks me.

My mother is now living is District Two, which is really helpful now. I tell her the whole story – but I don´t mention the thing, or the fight with Peeta- trying not to cry.

"I´ll do everything I can. Are you sure you are okay?" She asks me concerned.

"Yeah, I´ll talk to you later. Do you think we can stay at your house?"

"Sure, Bye Katniss. Take care of your boys and give Arley a big kiss for me"

"Bye Mom" I hang up and go to the bathroom. I take a warm shower, trying to clear my mind. I should talk to Peeta and apologize to Arley. He never saw me this angry before.

I get out and put on confortable clothes. My hair is unbraided and my body asks for food.

I go to the dining cart –that is almost empty- and eat a light dinner. It´s really late now. I think I spent a lot of time in the shower. I finish my meal and go back to my own compartment. It´s still empty and that breaks my heart. I miss Peeta and I want to wait for him so we can talk but I am so tired. I just want to sleep. I guess we can talk tomorrow.

"I am so sorry baby, I just can´t love you" I whisper and fall asleep.

**_IMPORTANT!_**

**_A/N: Soooo! THIS AN IS IMPORTANT! I have some names for BabyMellark with the meanings. If you have suggestions please tell me with a review or PM me. Would you like a baby girl? A baby boy? Or babies? Boy and Boy? Girl and Girl? Boy and Girl? The choice is in your hands._**

**_Girl:_**

**_Adalia (goddes of fire) Aisha (alive) Ayleen (the joy) Melanie (the one with the dark skin)_**

**_Boy:_**

**_Adriel (I didn´t know how to translate the meaning because I found it in spanish…) Ryan (little King) Daniel (God´s justice) Theo (God´s presence) _**


End file.
